Hobbit Hole Witterings – Where Wolves Prey

May has a bittersweet about it for me. Somehow 23 years have passed since Gabbie and I were handfasted for all time, it doesn’t seem that long ago. Of course, Gabbie is no longer here she lost her battle with cancer in December 2001 – we didn’t quite make 18 months as married but had been together for 10 years. She still has my heart and soul

I think it is natural to think about things. 23 years ago Civil Unions were only being talked about for same-sex couples. Yes, that is what we were, I was cross-dressing but hadn’t fully come to terms with my male identity at the time. Same-sex marriage is now a thing. My darling would have loved to have been married, not that we would need a same-sex marriage now.

When we decided to be handfasted apart from recognizing our Pagan spirituality we tied knowing Gabbie’s time on Earth was limited. I had people with good intentions telling me to make it a lifetime thing rather than an eternal one so I would be free after. Free for what? Gabbie took her lover, partner, and husband with her and I have come to terms with that. If other people, good intentions or not, cannot accept that that is their problem.

I’ve tried keeping that promise I made to find love again – not anymore. It’s not happening, I never did settle for second best and that’s all it would be. I get the feeling Gabbie agrees as I don’t feel the push anymore. Back in May 2000, I made an oath of honour to a wonderful woman and that oath remains solid.

None of this means I live a lonely existence – I don’t. I have a great circle of family and friends, and, not forgetting the reprobates, Lillydog and Shadow the Ninja Cat (or Jezzie’s Babes as my housey calls them). With those two I have very little lone time – bless their paws. I wasn’t messing when I said they are here when I work.

Shadow is asleep on the books I am meant to be using for research and Lillydog is cosy in her bed under the Hobbit Hole desk keeping an eye on proceedings, even going to the bathroom I am accompanied by at least four paws more often than not. For the record, the cat isn’t mine, she belongs to Andy, my housemate, she has not taken notice of that fact, or has chosen to ignore it.

My grandmother taught me “Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey” and Gabbie does every day. Now I didn’t know that was Lord Byron. Another reason to love that dude.