Odd Ball Geek

Inspired by and written for Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – thank you, Sue and GC

Hell yeah, that quote says it. Trying to fit into planet normal is doomed from the word get-go. I tried doing that for nearly forty years and got to no place but depression and self-hate. I am going to run with that time and in doing so reassure all who read me it is the past, and I am now me. Let’s do this…

Odd Ball Geek
Form: Free Verse

I bought into the dresses and lipstick
just a man trying to be a girl
red nails and high heels
watching soap operas to keep up
with school-gate conversations
and gloss red smiles hiding the tears
my crying done behind closed doors
and I was never as pretty as the girl next door
never as feminine as a princess
never as
never as
never good enough to be she
not brave enough to be he
purging my senses of masculine
purging the closet of jeans and t-shirts
so I could stay in there
away from the hate
alone with the hate
crashing mirrors to blind reflections
crying alone hiding in fear
‘cos, man, I tried so hard
to be just another girl
to fit in with a world built on discrimination
and hate
hate
hate
hate the freak
the odd ball geek in a shirt
riding a motorbike
and wiping the grease stains into my hair
with the angry tears
of the silent death threats coming from within
fitting in is killing me
and I don’t want to fit in
I just need to be me

©JezzieGFarmer2022