Sadje’s Sunday Poser – #99

Inspired by and written for Sadje’s Sunday Poser – thank you, Sadje

OUCH!!!! The urge to run away from writing this is absolutely huge but I will try. If I fail no one will ever see it so not really a problem is it? I am in the middle of some heavy-duty mental health healing therapy, part of which is to write letters to myself. For me, this prompt echoes the ones I get but this time I won’t write it to myself but as I need a focused audience rather than a generic one I am going to write it to you. Of course, others may read as they will, and I hope it offers some help to them if they need it.

Dear Sadje

I have just noticed this is a site for women over 50, well I hope you are okay with me answering your prompts as I am now very much a man albeit I was a woman once, but I am well over 50 and getting closer to 60 really.

Anyway that’s just avoiding the question you set, isn’t it? So I will get on with it and stop distracting from it. What criteria of behaviour do I set myself? Impossibly high is probably the short answer. Like most writers, I am my own worst critic and slam pretty much everything I write at some point. I have learned to step back from a piece of writing for a day or two before doing the read through and edits, that helps. This is one of the few prompts that I do that is instant – and yes that makes it challenging. I am already self-critiquing but sticking with it.

I am still going to say I set myself impossibly high standards in life, and certainly don’t expect others to meet them. Sometimes it is useful, sometimes it is not. However, by setting the benchmark so high I have learned to, with a lot of therapy, to be kind to me when I don’t meet the standard I set. Learning to forgive myself has been challenging.

Not allowing myself to just take the blame when something doesn’t go right, even more so. I have gotten far to used to being the scapegoat for other people. I have to remind myself their lives are their responsibility, and their mess ups are also. Thinking about this that includes stopping myself from saying ‘oh it’s my fault’ when it isn’t.

I believe I am courteous, maybe not free with a smile as that isn’t me, but I am always polite. However, I am not free with respect, as I believe that should be earned and not demanded. I may respect the choices that others make but that does not mean I have to actively be a part of them. And I am learning that is okay, as it is respecting my own beliefs and boundaries. I don’t apologize for everything now, if it is something I messed up I apologize but if it isn’t then I don’t, not anymore.

I think setting my standards high, even if they are impossibly so, is actually liberating me from being knuckled down by external opinion, especially negative external opinion. My mental health cannot take that. Actually, I think it makes me reach for the stars and with luck, I will land on the moon one day.

Well, Sadje, I got this far so I will post. Thank you for making me think.

Raven x

3 thoughts on “Sadje’s Sunday Poser – #99

  1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Raven. I’m glad that you answered this question with sincerity. Setting very high standards for oneself can be liberating as we are only in competition with ourselves. Not taking the blame or responsibility for what others do or say is an essential first step towards achieving this liberty. I wish you all the best my friend.
    And BTW, men are most welcome to participate or read my posts. Thanks again

    Liked by 1 person

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